So, after paying for web hosting and domain name and backup and all that FOR NOTHING for almost 2 years, and not being able to write much, I decided to cut my losses. Why I didn't write? Because I'm a freakin' perfectionist. Because I wanted it to be perfect and to be appealing to people and to be trendy and all that. To be SEO, too. To be interesting and smart. To be useful to people. And because of all that pressure... all I did was procrastinating. Or well, at times I did write a post or two... but it took hours and days to basically give birth to that post. While, inside of me, something was screaming "WRITE!!! WRITE!!! Put your damn thoughts on paper, or you are gonna be choking with them. You are gonna freakin' explode because of them. You are never gonna be able to put your mental insides in order if you don't start taking the damn thoughts out of your head and putting them on paper". Of course, I now suffer from adrenal fatigue. No wonder.
That's why I FINALLY (thank God for the wisdom in the 24th hour!!) decided to stop resisting my heart, to stop imposing all that shit on me, to stop trying to be in a certain way or another, to stop making it hard for myself. I stopped paying for the hosting and domain names, because paying for that was (at least partially) the reason why I would try being so perfectionist. For a while (2 whole days!) I thought I would simply give up on this thought of writing, and just go on with my life. The second day I was like "ok, I think I will just write in my book, with a pen, on paper...and keep it all to myself. I have been doing that anyways, more often than I wrote on my blogs. I have full books of writing that I was "going to" turn into blog posts one day. When I would have more time, when I would know more about SEO, when I would know more about what I wanted to write about! DUH!!
The 3rd day I understood that if I don't spill it out, I explode. Spill it out freely, without expectations, without too much "work", without caring what happens, if someone reads it, if it gets SEO, if its high on the freakin' ranks, and not caring if it will ever become my job! I admit it, I really wanted that, really, really bad, because Ive seen so many people that are actually making a living from their blogs, and it seemed the perfect heaven crafted job for me. Well, I don't care about it becoming a job now. I have a job that is feeding me. I understood all I need to do is write. For myself, for whoever the Universe will send to my blog. The Universe knows better, I give all of my troubled hopes to it.
I know I need this! So this FREE blog just happened.
Please, listen to your heart!
xo
Roxy
